Being punished

It’s a fairly regular occurrence when Chris punishes me for something. This time my crime was to say that having sex with someone I know is unacceptable.

He’s just finished an amdram thing. I’ve been desperately waiting for it to be over as he has been horrendous. I’ve had to put up with so much, including moods, women, violent temper, screaming at me, being rude and aggressive and his excessive tiredness. I encouraged him to keep at it, despite the toll it was taking on both of us. Ultimately I felt it was good for his self esteem. I just grit my teeth and thought about when it was over.

We went to the after show party last night with a couple of our friends. As usual he kept vanishing. I told one of his mates about how we were together and that I was fed up of fielding all these women. He said Chris hadn’t told the group about me but I reminded his friend that I had. Chris came back eventually and said this girl had asked him out and that he’d said he was single and could go out with her. I told him to go and tell her he wasn’t single and tried to make a joke out of it. His friends were shocked he’d say such a lie to someone. Hopefully one of them will set her straight in the near future.

I drove us all home and dropped two of his mates at their place and carried on to Chris’s with me, him and a friend of mine who was staying at mine. Got to Chris’s house and he asked if we were coming in. I didn’t fancy it because of his earlier behaviour and I thought we’d end up in another fight. I was due to go to the last performance today and he declared he didn’t want me going. He went on to say that he didn’t want me to pick him up either, despite arranging that over a week ago. He became abusive and said “this isn’t working.” He got out of the car and went in. He always continues the abuse by text and I got a text within ten minutes of getting home. It told me he was fond of me but didn’t think it was going to work. I replied with that we should talk about it when we both weren’t so tired and stressed.

I haven’t heard from him at all today. He is punishing me for last night. I dared to say he couldn’t sleep with this girl (she is a girl and almost half his age). He does have sex sometimes with other women but the agreement is that I don’t know them and they are random strangers. This is someone who knows who I am and that makes me extremely uncomfortable. We spent the night together a few days ago, which was the first time in nearly two years. As soon as we start moving forward again, he has to treat me like shit again.

I’m at the point where I don’t know how much I can take. I’m not very well at the moment and I need a bit more consideration than usual. I am expecting this nightmare to be over soon because the show is finally over. I’m worried that as we’ve got closer he’s gone back to his old tricks. He used to be abusive when were together before. He used to try and control me and tell me who I could be friends with. He is trying to force me to be civil to the woman I’ve mentioned before. I told him I could choose my friends and she would never be one.

His behaviour is getting worse. I’m hoping it’s a symptom. If it isn’t or it doesn’t improve soon, we will have to part company. I can’t cope with it anymore. You’d think after nearly six years, he’d have finally learned that I’m not going anywhere. I’m tired of the constant tests.

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Being punished

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